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Disclaimer: I am not passing judgment on anyone here, or telling anyone that they should be different than they are. I am asking for clarification on a topic that genuinely confuses me, and appreciate any input you might have.

Lately I’ve been wondering if I am some variety of transgender or genderqueer. I won’t bore you with the details of why I think that, but let it suffice to say that when I came out to the people closest to me, none of them were surprised. But one friend’s intelligent and thoughtful response led me to wonder if I’m being just being sexist, by attempting to trade one set of stereotypes for another.

J’s exboyfriend F has gender dysphoria disorder, and it brings him a lot of stress and pain. He doesn’t even like activities that force him to confront that he was born without a dick, like sex. J reminded me of this, and I agree– I am often uncomfortable with my biological body, but definitely not to the degree that F is, and I don’t wish to compare myself to those who are.

But I can’t deny that traditional femininity is in no way right for me. But how can I say that my penchant for rough-and-tumble games, practical & comfortable clothes, total discomfort with the idea of pregnancy, and having male companions makes me more of a boy than the next girl? Isn’t that just playing into close-minded stereotypes? Everybody has qualities that are traditionally masculine or traditionally feminine, and wouldn’t being proud of both my personality and my biological sex be more of a healthy and feminist stance?

This link will take you to a blog post at Questioning Transsexuality that passes judgment on the term “genderqueer” for the same reasons I listed above. I’m not saying that I agree with them, but they have stated in a relatively eloquent way what I’m trying to ask here.

I think that everybody’s choices are their own, but these questions are nagging me, and I have no way to answer them myself. Can anyone provide some of their expertise? Your opinion is much appreciated.