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I would like to brag that I have never faked an orgasm. Honestly, letting your man (or woman) think that he’s naturally awesome and doesn’t need to change his technique just screws you (and/or others) over in the long run.

I have, however, led others to believe I came when I didn’t. (Splitting hairs, yeah, but my moral code prevents lying to anyone but my parents. If there was no stated affirmation, it’s not a lie.)

J recently figured out how to make me cum during intercourse. I wrote about it in some of my erotica earlier, in case you’re curious. Basically, with me on top and the right back and forth hip motion (as opposed to up and down) and enough dirty talk and orders, I will cum. Sometimes more than once. It’s actually pretty cool, since I’ve never orgasmed from just sex before J, ever.

Side note: I am not ashamed to admit that part of the reason I’m staying with J permanently is because he is so goddamned good in bed. I had one partner, D, who is very attractive and whose technique was mind-blowing, but his preferences were vanilla and therefore didn’t really turn me on psychologically. For women especially, I feel that’s very important. J combines technical skill with being a great (read: cruel) dom and adventurous. Plus, he knows me very well and understands what I like. That, combined with a whole shit ton of trust and love, is what makes J great in bed.

I’ve always been weird about orgasms. When I’m by myself, I can get off just fine. In front of other people, it’s a little bit harder. But from sex, it has never happened. Not even other people touching me in the way I usually touch myself. I mean, that doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, I guess– a lot of women have problems like that, but I am led to believe that it’s not just because I’m not being handled the right way.

My first sexual partner was a virgin too, and a masochist, so obviously his technique was not up to snuff and what interested him didn’t interest me. But I didn’t realize this at the time, and always figured it was me. My inner feminist kept telling me I should be getting at least as much pleasure as he was, but I gave up anyway, figuring it was a lost cause. When partner #1 and I broke up, the other men who came afterwards took me on as a challenge, and all failed to make me cum. But being asked expectant questions and treated like something to conquer just made me nervous. Instead of enjoying sex for sex, I wondered if this was the time that I was gonna cum, whether this would be the guy to take home the prize. Nobody succeeded until J.

Granted, he didn’t succeed immediately. We once stayed up all night fucking until the sheets were soaked with sweat, and he tried everything he could think of. I had a great time, but I didn’t cum. The first time, I was sitting on his lap while he had his back against the wall, and the angle made my clit rub against his pelvis. When he started breathlessly moaning, “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum…” I said, “Not before I do!” and he held it off (one of his talents) until after I came. Needless to say, it made his day, and he immediately hopped out of bed to play the Spongebob victory song and dance around his dorm room naked. Awesome. Unfortunately, goofy is my type…

So recently, when J figured out this formula, I was delighted. I came four times, and after he was done with me I was curled up in a ball slurring my words for at least a half hour. No joke. The next time we had sex, a few days afterwards, I had only one orgasm, a small one, but led him to believe that I had a couple more. I didn’t like all-out fake it, but when I hit those sensational peaks that aren’t quite orgasms, I didn’t tell him it wasn’t. Then the next time we had sex I did it again. I finally mentioned it off-hand and he was understandably a little upset. I didn’t do it to inflate his ego, but when I’m in subspace, doing anything that might displease him crushes me. Therefore, it seems desperately important to follow his orders, including the “You’re gonna cum for me right now, aren’t you Puppy?” I think that the imposition of a time limit made me EXTREMELY nervous and almost all of my arousal was replaced by anxiety. Subspace makes me needy, I can’t help it.

I think that part of the issue is that my definition of orgasm is expanding. It’s tough to say what’s an orgasm and what isn’t, so sometimes I can’t rightly say. I had always heard that the medical definition of an orgasm included those muscle spasms that always accompany my clitoral orgasms but haven’t been happening with my vaginal ones. However, they are even more mind-blowing, so I’m definitely counting them as orgasms. Either way, sex is obviously better now and I’m feeling much less self-conscious about the subject.

What do you guys think? Do you find that there’s a difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasms?