Pain is the only thing that can ever be counted on to feel good. That is why I self-injure during my frequent bouts of pointless melancholia. But J hates it when I cut and doesn’t let me and threatens me with estrangement if I do. That just makes it so much worse. I don’t think he understands the emotional need, the I can’t cry for some reason, so the emotional pain that’s all welled up behind my eyelids has nowhere to go.
Purely philosophically, what’s so bad about cutting? It causes no permanent physical harm and relieves stress. Kind of like sex or TV. What the fuck is the issue?
J promised he would hurt me real good the next time we’re together, but that’s not for another week and the days in the meantime are gonna be hell.
SlutLyfe 
i started cutting when i was 5 and i’ve been pretty serious about it at times.
i’ll feel like all this burning/freezing and heavy goo is pulsing under my skin, emotion so thick/sharp i can’t tell if it’s joy or sorrow. so i’ll slit my flesh and it’ll ooze out. then i’ll be able to say, “oh, i felt THIS because of THAT.”
not being able to cut makes me feel like i might have a seizure or just explode or something.
my partner won’t let me cut. i still have trouble with it from time to time, but he tells me that i’m his and that i’m not allowed to vandalize his property. that helps, actually. it makes me feel safe, like this terrible emotion won’t be able to hurt me and nothing can get me at all— and i calm down a bit.
my partner thinks cutting is emotionally damaging for the cutter because, like most people, he thinks that it’s healthy and natural to have a certain respect for one’s body.
i don’t really agree with him, but i know that HE isn’t allowed to vandalize MY property (“his” body). i would cry and be angry if he cut himself— cuz that’s MINE.
so, some people think cutting causes permanent harm. but does it really? it depends who you ask, i guess.
That is EXACTLY what J said. lol Oh well. Pinching don’t leave scars, no?
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i’ve been trying reallyreally hard to stop hurting myself and i’ve been doin’ ok. i find that telling my partner that i need to hurt myself helps me sort the shit out.
still, i DO like to twist my fingers til they’re sprained.
I find that it’s harmful. I don’t do anything that leaves scars, even for a little (I’m even careful to avoid visible bruising). But physical scars aren’t so bad as what I’m doing to my mind. I don’t know, I’m a very “self-punishment”-type SI-er. I’ve always wondered if I really follow the standard narrative of what SI does. It’s the only way I can make the screaming stop sometimes, but I don’t feel better afterwards. I feel like shit before, during, and after. It doesn’t really help anything….