In light of my recent mini-bout of depression, J has given me a list of self-improvement chores to do every day to keep myself busy. I’m to write a detailed log to prove that I did them and hand them in like homework every week, which is a good idea because he’s given me orders before that I promptly forgot.
I will grumble and yell and kvetch and cuss him out until the ends of the earth, but really I just feel extra special loved. It’s not even just a sexual thing. Not that I need someone to tell me what to do– though I am not a classic troublemaker I will resist authority until I’m blue in the face– but I like being his, I like improving for him when I usually can’t make myself do it for me, I like that he’ll be checking over my reports, I like feeling owned. It’s special because I wouldn’t do it for anyone else. Secretly, I’m glad I pushed him until he decided to be cruel to me. I don’t upset him on purpose, because it breaks my heart, but I can’t say I’m sad that I did.
Currently the list of chores is (partially for my own reference): Continue reading