J had to out me to his mother the other day. I don’t blame him for it; given the circumstances, it was definitely the right thing to do. During a conversation about other things, his mother asked him why he was spending so much time with E, our girlfriend– she thought that he was cheating on me with her. To calm her suspicions, he explained to her that E was in a relationship with both of us, and that I knew about everything he did with her. Then to explain THAT, he had to tell her that I was bisexual. She said that she would never have guessed that I like women (never gotten that response before!), and suggested I was telling him that just to seem sexier. I’m a little offended that that’s the conclusion she would immediately jump to, but he assured her otherwise and hopefully she now knows better.
Today I’m seeing her for the first time since my outing. J’s mom is pretty chill, but I’m still worried that she might think of me differently now. There are always plenty of homosexuals hanging around the J household, so it’s not that. It’s more the poly thing, which is understandably confusing to monogamous folks. Around her, I am always shy and helpful and polite, and so being outed as completely freaky might be kind of a shock to her system. No longer am I the girl next door, but some sort of slutty, otherworldly specimen. Will she think I’m a slut? Will she think I’m leading her son into sin? Or that I’m using one or the other of them for sex? That I’m afraid of commitment? That I have STD’s? That I’ll break her son’s heart? Or, horror of horrors, will she talk to me about it? If she did I’d probably have a heart attack, but I almost hope it does come up.
I am one of those rare teenage gems that knows that I don’t know everything. When I’m exploring new territory like this, I’d like to have someone wiser and more mature than me to discuss these things with, even if they aren’t as knowledgeable on the particular subject as I am. That’s why I am considering coming out to my parents about the poly thing. They don’t need to know, but I would like to be able to share with them the ups and downs of this new world that I’m exploring.
It’s not like J, E, and I are the only non-monogamous people around. I do have one friend, older than me by at least five years but probably not wiser, who is proudly poly, and many others who engage in casual sex. But our configuration (a serious, committed couple dating another woman) isn’t something I’ve ever seen in real life. (To clarify, it’s not polyfidelity because she is more than free to see other people and J and I have the primary relationship, but it’s more than the shallow fulfillment of a fantasy, because we do care about her a lot and plan on seeing her regularly. Kind of like that phase during dating but before commitment.) So far it’s been easy to navigate, but I don’t like counting on happiness to last, and I’d like to have someone to turn to if it doesn’t.
What do you think? Should it remain need-to-know or should I bring it up with the ‘rents? Do you have any experience in coming out of the poly closet?
Related articles
- Being Outed Update & Other Things (slutlyfe.wordpress.com)
- Are We Ready? (lovingmorethanone.wordpress.com)
- Polyfidelity (lovingmorethanone.wordpress.com)
SlutLyfe 
My parents would definitely not agree with the lifestyle that my Master and I share. We have had many many discussions regarding a poly relationship with another woman. I don’t think I am quite at a point where I feel comfortable with it yet. But, then again, 8 years ago, it was a definite no and now I am getting more used to the idea. I am just so jealous!!! I do feel quite confident that I can see how a relationship such as this would work out at first and we did casually meet up with someone who might have been a gf for us both, but it was a disaster to say the least. I know that my Master feels that I would always, always be number one, but I worry about the future. I often wish that I had others to discuss issues such as this with others. It is difficult, isn’t it.
HPP, navigating weird life style choices with parents really is tough, and I wish you the best of luck in both dealing with them and with finding a suitable partner. 🙂
Pingback: Being Outed Update & Other Things « SlutLyfe
I have no experience in coming out of the poly closet. I actually do not participate in a poly lifestyle, but I do think it is as normal as a monogamous lifestyle. In fact monogamy is not that common, most people practice serial monogamy, i.e. fidelity in a dating relationship without long term commitment. If that is acceptable why shouldn’t safe polyamory in a committed couple be acceptable.
I came out of the closet to my parents about my bisexuality in highschool, I was never ashamed of it, and although they are traditional minded people, they accept my lifestyle choice. It was not until later that I came out to them about my D/s lifestyle, to which my mother promptly replied “I already knew that my daughter was kinky, just be safe.”
Your parents love you, and although it may be something they don’t understand I am sure they would rather hear it from you then find out by accident. You should be proud of who you are and accept the opportunity to start a discussion with them about your lifestyle decision.
Thanks! But I think I’m gonna stick to a need-to-know basis for now. 😡
When I got plunged into polyamory, I was a grown man… and I still worried about what my mom was going to say when she found out that her married son had picked up another “wife.” And like any “kid,” I did my best to hide from her that my family had grown and, oops, not all of us were Black (not that his mattered). And I totally and utterly failed to keep it from her; she had it figured out quicker than I gave her credit for. She didn’t give me a bunch of crap about it… but she did say, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
My reply was, “So do I…” Parents are some funny people and, yeah, I know because I am one so I know why we’re funny about it. We do get a little bent when our children “stray” from the prescribed path but, at the same time, we also tell them to live their lives the best they can, don’t we, and when they do something like this – and my daughter went poly – well, we shouldn’t be shocked or surprised.
Thanks for the advice, I’m still mulling this over. Although there’s no way my parents would suspect that E and I are together, because they’ve never watched us interact. I wish that would work; it would be so much easier than having to come out.
That’s so cool that your daughter is poly too. 🙂
Pingback: Free Love, & Polyamory as an Orientation « SlutLyfe